How To Move Through Fear – Be The First Domino

Fear affects us in many ways. Some fear is known, and some fear runs in the background unconsciously. It can be a motivator, a protector, or a barrier standing between us and the life we want. The question is not whether we feel fear, because we all do at some time, it’s what we do when we experience fear that makes the difference. Does it dictate our actions and shape our decisions?

A little fear or anxiety is a good thing, it means we are stretching ourselves into new realms. This is known as euphoria when we can feel elated by our achievement. To get to where we desire, it often means we must face our fears and go ahead anyway and of course with due diligence when called for. This is why a coach, or mentor can be an advantage as they can share their experiences and accelerate successes and minimize failures.

There are many forms of fear, and whether they are rational fears based on realistic threats and create a protective response, or irrational fears which don’t necessarily have an actual danger yet they’re real enough to the individual with that fear.

When we went to Antigua, I had the opportunity to go ziplining. For me with a fear of heights this was a huge challenge and a great example of irrational fear. I had to ask for help because I didn’t trust myself in this situation. I did zipline with support, by hanging on to someone else who was an expert. Slowly, I gained the courage to go out on my own. The fear I felt was real, the amount of courage I needed to zipline was huge, yet I did it because I didn’t want to have any regrets later and miss out on the fun.

Fear Of Loss

Sometimes a fear of loss can be planted early. Perhaps it was growing up with critical or unsupportive family members, peers or teachers who constantly pointed out what wasn’t good enough and routinely undermined us. Over time, this environment may have shaped an internal voice of self-doubt.

Sometimes we can feel trapped in procrastination, obsessing over details, or avoiding risks altogether. This can also be a familiar personality trait as some people are more prone to be detail orientated and be inclined to research until they have so much data it is overwhelming and they reach decision fatigue.

A single past experience can trigger fear too, such as giving a presentation that flopped or launching a project that failed leaving a sense of humiliation. The sting of that memory lingers and if we try again, we feel that we’ll only fail again.

Years ago I experienced this situation. My audience was vast and included experts as well as novices. I covered every aspect of what I thought people needed to know from basic to complicated. My presentation ended up being boring and confusing. It was however a great learning experience for me as my coach had also been in the audience for feedback. In this instance my fear was based on a sense of not knowing enough and being seen as an imposter.

Are we afraid of a fear of failure or fear of success? A fear of loss or being hurt? It could be the need to ‘get it right’ which becomes a trap. Instead of moving forward imperfectly, we stay stuck with half-started projects and unfinished ideas.

Imagine if Michael Jordan had given up on his dream to play basketball when he was cut from the high school team.

Fear Of Success

Why Would Anyone Be Afraid Of Achieving Their Goals?

Success often means change. To get to where we desire, it frequently means we must face our fears. Fear maybe not knowing how to do something or making a mistake that creates a feeling of overwhelm and paralysis.

A fear of success could cause a sense of leaving people behind, being held to higher standards, more time consuming, or taking on responsibilities that feel heavy. It could be a fear of the unknown. We may have to make such significant changes, it’s too uncomfortable to even think about. So, guess what we do? We get busy! Anything to stop us from thinking about what might be possible. With change there often comes risk. Risk of loss, risk of judgment, risk of being hurt. What changes need to occur to reach that goal?

Think of the opportunities that might be missed if failure stops us. Failure can also teach us things about ourselves that we would never have learned otherwise. Thank goodness Richard Branson didn’t listened to the people who told him he’d never do anything worthwhile without a high-school diploma. Be determined, be persistent and have the courage to make it work.

More important than confidence is courage and competence. Learning how to overcome fear is a skill, it takes practice. Embrace fear and understand that we don’t need to have all the answers, just the courage and competence to know that we know where to go and who to ask.

Be the domino and trigger the first part of a series in a chain reaction. Knock over the first step and create a cascade of positive consequences that in turn materialize a new area of opportunity and growth. Remember the first domino doesn’t fall until it is nudged.